Death by suicide is the most personal act
any person can make, involving a wide circle of people.
You have found yourself experiencing
emotions that are unfamiliar, unexpected and frightening - almost beyond your
control.
Bereavement by suicide is very different
from any other bereavement, giving rise to all the emotions following any loss,
alongside many other emotions.
Since the death is self-chosen and
self-inflicted, there are the unanswered and unanswerable questions of why?
and, some-times,
how?
and also if
only?
and
what
if?
In the following pages we hope to outline
the emotions you may experience, but it is important to remember that:
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the process is unique to you
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the emotions experienced are a natural
part of the journey you will make
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you are the only person who knows how you
feel
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Feelings
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Feelings you may be
experiencing
Shock and disbelief,
these last longer than with other bereavements.
Numbness, Disorientation,
life still goes on, but we do not feel part of it.
Loneliness & Isolation,
suicidal thought - wanting to join the deceased.
Guilt,
could have
prevented this.............
should we have seen the signs.....
did we contribute towards it........
are we to blame..............................
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Searching
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Anger
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Looking for reasons takes up a
lot of time and energy and may leave you feeling
drained.
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Anger is a normal part of
grieving and needs to be acknowledged and expressed.
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Rejection
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Relief
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Feelings of rejection if not
acknowledged may lead to insecurity and a sense of failure.
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If may be difficult to admit
to relief, but when depression, despair and unsuccessful Suicide attempts have
been experienced by family and friends, there may be relief following the final
successful attempt, coupled of course, with sadness. The deceased is no longer
in despair, and the constant threat of Suicide is over. |
Shame
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Depression
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Because a stigma attached to
suicide is still present society in general has difficulty in dealing with
suicide and will take many and varied efforts to avoid it, this can sometimes
lead to isolation.
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Reactive depression is almost
inevitable following a bereavement by suicide. The constant swings of emotion,
questioning, physical pain and lack of sleep, will have an effect. It may be
necessary to consult a doctor.
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Effects on the family
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Acceptance
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Communication may be difficult
because of family members fear of hurting one another by speaking of the
suicide, or perhaps there may be blame within the family.
Each member will be affected in a different way. since each bore a different
relationship to the deceased.
The differences need to be discussed, accepted and respected, as
each member will grieve in their own way and in their own time.
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With time we realise life goes
on and that grief and loss no longer dominates us. Grief is a very individual
experience and people move though the process in their own unique way.
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